A Korean 15th of August

It was the 15th of August, national day in Korea. The Korean flags were flourishing on the windows. But nothing else did seem to change from the usual daily life in Busan. The wind was blowing, the sky was depressingly grey and the day was punctuated by quick showers that were refreshing the heavy atmosphere of this middle of August.

 

The old man was sitting in the kitchen. A cup of tea in front of him and a notebook filled with his elegant writing. He was tired. The day was over.

He seemed weirdly small in that kitchen. Like he didn’t belong there, like something was missing in the picture.

She was looking at him but couldn’t say a word. After few minutes, he finally moved in order to grab the cup of tea. While silently sipping it, he opened the notebook-his diary- and started writing. But then, suddenly stopped, looked at her and explained her that after reading his diary, his sister in law cried. He was almost smiling.

That was the sign that he wanted to talk a little bit and that she should sit at the table and not disappear in her bedroom like she often does after finishing dinner.

While turning the pages of his notebook, he told her that he wanted to read some of his writing to her. Curious and a bit honoured that, she too, could have access to his deepest thoughts, she still felt a bit worried that she couldn’t really understand everything as her broken Korean wasn’t allowing her to really appreciate reading in that language.

Having prepared all of her best dictionnaries, she sat down and waited for him to start reciting the poems he religiously wrote everyday in memory of his late wife. 

 His solemn and deep voice was filling the room.  Without understanding all, she was catching some words here, some images there. It was a lot about silence, about nights and days following each other always leaving behind the absence of his beloved wife.  Her perfume, her gentile smile, and her presence that too soon were taken away from him. He simply missed her. As he was keeping on opening his broken heart to her, his voice began to shake. The reading was about to end.

As he was closing his notebook and putting it back in his bedroom right next to his wife’s picture, she could hear the flapping of the flag hanging out of the living room’s window.

Yes, it was the 15th of August. So he sat down on the sofa and watched the TV programm specially made for this day.  At the end of the celebratory concert, he switched off the TV, put back inside the flag and went back to his bedroom.

62 years ago, the Republic of Korea was created. 62; his age.

The old man felt asleep quietly. The republic was still alive but it was his first national day alone since his wife passed away. 

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“산타 할아버지 오지 않았다. 내 이웃만 있었다.”

일반적으로 저는 이웃 사람과의 관계가 계단에서 인사 할 때 밖에 없어요. 

 작년에 살던 집에서는 이웃 사람을 딱 한 번 만났었어요. 언제 이였었어요?

그 때는 12월 25일 이였었어요. 

즐거운 크리스마스를 보내기 위해  제 룸메이트와 함께 요리를 준비 하고 친구 2명을 초대 했었어요.

 큰 소리를 내지않으려고 식사 할 때 음악도 듣지 못 하고 얘기만 많이 했었어요.

 그렇지만 조금 문제가 생겼었어요. 왜냐하면 재미 있는 얘기들 때문에 우리는 큰 소리로 웃었었어요!

 그래서 옆집 여자가 화가 나서 우리 집 초인종을 눌렀었어요. 그 여자가 벽을 두 번 두드린 걸 못 들었었냐고 물어보고 게다가 밤 10시 이니까 조용 하라고 큰 소리로 많이 웃으면

시끄럽다고 말 했었어요. 저는 그 상황이 이해가 되지 않았고 그 때 제 친구들의 눈을 보니 뭐 하는      것이냐고 묻는 것을 볼 수 있었어요. 우리는 어떻게 대답 할지 망설였었다.

 3 가지 방법이 떠올랐어요:

 1- 격렬하게 문을 꽝 닫는다.

 2- 이 여자 얘기 들은 후에 웃으면서 문을 닫는다.

3- 정중 하게 사과 하고 소리를 그만 낸다.

 물론 3 번째 방법을 선택했었어요. 왜냐하면 이 여자가 크리스마스를 혼자 지내고 너무 쓸쓸하고 슬픈 텐데 그 여자가 조금 우리는 이해되었었어요. 

제 생각엔 저는 좋은 이웃이 아니었던 것 같아요. 이 여자가 외로우니까 우리와 같이 한 잔  마시자고 초대 하거나 캐잌을 나눠 주었으면 좋았을 텐데. 

다음 번에는 이런 실수를 하지 않을 거지만 올해 살고 있는 집은 이웃들 모두 가족이 있기  때문에 이런 문제가 생기지 않을 것이에요….

 

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황석영과 작은 프랑스 소녀

저는 황석영의 소설을 읽어나서 (많이 울고)또 인터넷에서 그의 강연을 보고 잡시 옛 생각에   빠졌어요.

어렸을 때 저는 프랑스 남부 몽펠리에에서 살았어요. 몽펠리에에는 매년 봄에 도서박람회가     있어요.
저의 집 앞 광장에서는 팔책을 진열하고 작가들이 소설 책에 사인을 해주려고 이 도서박람회에 와요.
제가 7살 때 소설을 좋아해서 저희 부모님께서는 저와  책을 사려고 거기에 가봤어요.
그 날 중요한 순간이라고 기억해요.
저희 아버지는 작가 Tournier를 너무 좋아하기 때문에 이 작가를 만나고 싶어했어요. 아버지가 그 말씀을 하시자 저는 말문이 막혔어요.
저는 놀란 눈으로 아버지를 보면서 이렇게 말했어요 : “아빠, 어떻게 그 사람을 만나요?
그  사람은 죽었어요!”
아버지는 웃으며 말씀 하셨어요 : “왜 죽었다고 생각해?”
저는 무서워하며 대답했어요 : ” 작가들은 다 죽은 것 아니에요?”
15분 동안 웃은 후에 아버지는 죽은 작가들도 있기는 하지만 살아있는 작가들도 많이 있다고   하시면서 저를 안심 시켰어요.
그리고 저는 작가들을 만날 수 있다는 생각에 행복해졌어요.
저에게 작가는 항상 인상적인 사람이어야 된다고 생각했지만 작가들과 대화를 나누면서 나는 그 사람이 평범하고 자상한 사람이라는 것을 알았어요.
그 날부터 저는 작가가 되고 싶었어요.
그리고  그 날 이후로 작가를 만날 때마다 매번 같은 감정을 갖고 다시 이 7살 소녀가 되는 것 같아요.

재미있는 것은 저희 아버지가 너무 좋아하는 작가, 그리고 제가 처음 만난 작가인 Tournier의 책을 저는 전혀 지금까지 읽은 적이 없다는 거예요.

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It always starts with beautiful words…and ends in blood, tears and sweat.

“She wanted to be a Jew but at the same time couldn’t stop admiring Louis Ferdinand Celine. This attraction for his writing, for his “little music” was making her sick. How could she forget his most anti-semitic pamphlets? How could she forget this man’s most disgusting tendencies just because he was a genius? Just because her teachers, backed up by the french self -righteous intelligentsia were arguying  that he never developped any racist theories in his novels. Was it possible for her to love the writer and deeply despise the man?  

As she was spending her time criticizing all those men and women who, for a few euros and scraps of power, make pacts with more than questionable regimes and people; she, a little French girl with a lack of role models, was finding herself in the evening, turning the pages of a novel written by a man who, in some second hand newspaper articles, praised Hitler. She, the sanctimonious one who often thought of herself as a humanist, was falling asleep, rocked and moved by the sentences of a collaborator and was justifying it by saying that genius excuses it all, and that art transcends everything.

She was the worst of all. The most dangerous kind of collaborator.
The kind that hides behind works of art forgetting, oh too often, that they are the vector of the worst atrocities and that beauty –this powder thrown at gullible ignorant’s’ eyes- is nothing but the projection of the fantasies of those who have never done anything else but watch trains passing by without even bothering to wonder what their destination was.”

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